Married Life – the simple truth

I’m sure anyone who is married can sympathise with these poor folks  🙂

 

Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.

Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.

 

At a medical check-up:

Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

 

Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.

 

My wife and I had very happy twenty years. After that we met.

 

“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”

“But honey, what about our child?”

“What child?!”

“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”

 

What’s the difference between a bachelor and a married man? A Bachelor comes home, checks out what’s in the fridge & goes to bed. A Married man comes home, checks out what’s in the bed & goes to the fridge.

 

It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.

He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

 

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

 

An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”

 

Honey, do you think I gained weight?

No, I think the living room got smaller.

 

Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?

A trip to Thailand?

Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?

Then I pick you up again.

 

I got really angry with my sat nav today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. 20 minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

 

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.“

 

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”

The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”

 

See ya soon

Russ

 

 

 

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